Beauty Fades... But Stupid is Forever

Posted by Wesley On Monday, July 12, 2010 1 comments

I read an interesting article over at Shout Out Health today that really put some things into perspective for me. The article dealt with a letter the site had received from one their readers who said he was a very good looking gay man and can't seem to make any friends as a result of it... that everyone he meets just wants to get his sexy ass in the sack. 

The site responded, I think, appropriately, telling the stud horse that soon his looks will fade, that he needs to check himself, and make sure that he's offering up more than just his looks. Because if he doesn't have anything more than that to offer, that all the shallow boys will stick around and the good ones will float on by. 

The writer also touched on the subject on how life can tend to be a little easier for the better looking people, how people use their looks to manipulate every day situations, and how attractive women handle themselves differently than men do. He states: 
Watch how they handle themselves. These women do things that may sometimes appear rude, but later you realize their behavior is adaptive. They may not make eye contact with some.  They may appear focused on something or someone else.  They dress according to the circumstance and never in a way that is out of place or out of context.  They don't look around to see who is looking at them, they understand that attention is on them always and act accordingly. They send out subtle signals that they are not available – except to their companions to whom they give their undivided attention.  When approached, they politely decline and return to what they were doing.  They treat others, whether it is a corporate mogul or service person, with dignity and respect – but not flirtation. They use their beauty when they need to, but put it back in their holster immediately. They project and ease and confidence that both make them appear comfortable yet unapproachable. Watch and learn.
I couldn't agree more. I strongly believe that more doors tend to open, things come much more easily, and life in general is easier for more attractive people. And, unfortunately, a lot of these people use their looks as a way to get ahead. And, for a lot of them, it just happens because of the public's fixation on that perfect, skinny body. It's maddening at times, but c'est la vie, right?

I have one specific person who I work with who is an absolute paragon. Just a beautiful, beautiful person. When I first met her, I sized her up to be the typical, arrogant jerk who knew how hot they were, refused to converse or even be seen with people who aren't as beautiful as themselves, and walk around with a huge chip on their shoulder. She's one of my leasing consultants. 
When I first interviewed her, I was like... "This girl is full of drama. She used to work in a bar, ugh! She's a fast talker. She probably dresses like a total whore when she goes out. Five bucks says all her friends look exactly like her. I bet her boyfriend's hotter than hell." Well, it turns out I was right about only one of those things... her boyfriend. 
But anyway, one night she texted me out the blue and asked if herself and her best friend Sarah could join us out at the bars. She had been working for us for about a week when this happened, and being the awesome assistant manager that I am, I told her "Absolutely!" I was worried though. I was telling myself "she's gunna bring all these skinny, squeaky-voiced bitches to the bar who are going to be barely dressed and making a total fool of themselves." Again, I was wrong. Her friend Sarah was not a skinny bitch, but a little heavier, and an absolute sweetheart. Great smile, awesome personality, and totally fun! They both were dressed in a pair of jeans and some fun t-shirts they had bought for going out. Nothing incredibly fancy or revealing... just fun. And while we were out, my co-worker tactfully ignored all the straight men checking her out (at the gay bar!)... and focused on the people who she was out with. TOTALLY COOL. I was so impressed with her. She successfully restored the faith, and destroyed the stereotype, I had for women who are absolutely flawless and know it. And after our night of fun, I believed she was good people and liked being around people like herself: folks who had more to offer than what was just on the surface.
I found out a few weeks later she used to weigh over 250 pounds, had zero friends, and had been the odd girl out for years upon years.

Readers, as we lose weight and get in shape, it's important to remember where we once were in our lives. That we weren't the hottest thing in the club or someone who could even begin to think of using our looks to our advantage. My co-worker hasn't forgotten, and I just want to share the inspiration she's given me for the future. All too often we run across the hotties who hang around only the hottest of the Hottie McHot faces, and I'm proud knowing that I will be as comfortable hanging out with anyone and everyone who is good on the inside, no matter what they look like on the outside.

1 comment:

Beth said...

This is timely for me. I've been frustrated with being seen as a threat by other women since losing so much weight. Women used to be friendly to me, and it makes me sad that suddenly I'm the "pretty bitch." I'm still the same person! But I'll get checked out by men then get the evil eye from women.

I do think beauty is at once a blessing and a curse, and I'm having a hard time adjusting. This is the first time in a long time that I've felt beautiful in my skin, and the way people react to me now is hard to get used to (even the positive reactions.)

I agree that we have to remember where we once were; it's just weird when other people don't know and make assumptions like the ones you made about your coworker.

When I get preemptively judged I want to scream, "I'm a fat girl! I swear."