I Suck at Life

Posted by Wesley On Sunday, August 22, 2010 4 comments

And for several reasons:

1. I haven't updated you all since the 11th. Yeah... that's nine days. Almost a week and a half.
2. Last Tuesday, I ate chicken nuggets and french fries for dinner.
3. On Wednesday, I had more french fries and an entire hamburger for lunch.
4. On Thursday, I ate pizza and bread sticks for dinner. And had like... nine beers. ON A THURSDAY. 
5. And then, since being bloated and having heartburn weren't enough, I PIGGED... THE EFF... OUT at Taco Bell last night.

I feel like a fallen soldier. Good Lord! AMAZINGLY, this morning I weighed in at 166.6... three pounds less than my last weigh-in on the first of August, which was an even 169. And what's with the triple sixes!? Someone is trying to tell me something! Don't ask me how I managed to accomplish 166.6, because I have no idea. And, I'm not holding my breath, either. I'm sure I'll see ALL those meals packed on later next week some time.

I do want to apologize for the lack of updates, though. It's been such a crazy week at work, and I've been so stressed, that I've done everything I can to avoid having to look at a computer screen. I've been using that lump three feet above my ass (thank you, A League of Their Own) to do nothing but watch TV and veg my chubby little face on the couch. I'm proud to announce that today... I officially feel like crap. Like a bloated walrus ready to give birth. Like a lounge singer, straining to get her voice to reach the man in the back corner of the bar. Like the way I felt when I first started this whole journey. And I hate it. 

Lesson learned. And I'm going to start following Denise and Nick's advice. I'm starting a little notebook that documents how I feel after eating badly. In fact, I think I'll post it here for you all to see. That way, I'm not only accountable to myself, but to you all, as well. I'll title them... "Food Hangover". Because that's exactly what they are! Let me tell you about this morning, and my first Food Hangover:

This morning involved a very bloated belly, which I looked at with disgust and regret. I looked almost prego, and my belly was hard to the touch. "Ugh...!" I thought to myself, as I rolled the blankets back over myself so I didn't have to look at it. I fell back asleep for about an hour... and woke up with some really, really bad heartburn. "You're an idiot, Wes." I tell myself. I roll myself out of bed, put on my shorts, and buckle my belt a little bit looser. "That's familiar" I say out loud. Rolling my eyes, I head off to the bathroom, whip Jr. out, and as I look down, I really see the damage. I was so bloated, the bottom of my shirt didn't even touch the waste line of my pants (as it usually does). I rolled my eyes again, rubbed them, moaned, flushed the toilet, grabbed four Tums, and headed out into the living room. I sat down, and since I was so bloated, had to unbuckle my belt and lay back to relieve the pressure on my mid-section. I chowed down on the Tums to get rid of my heart burn, and just sat there... for an entire half an hour. I was thinking about why in the hell I let myself get so out of control the night before and the days before that: "What was it that caused me to skew off my path?" "Why did I even think it would be OK to go overboard by so much?" "Where did eat I that gave me no option for eating right?" "Who forced these items down my throat and who was I hanging out with?" "When did I decide that I felt good enough to eat as I did?"

I came to one simple conclusion: there was no who. No what. No when. No where. And definitely no why. It was me. ALL ME. I let me do this to myself. Because, there was no place, no person, no reason, and no point in which I felt good enough to be bad. I did this to myself, and I deserved every inch of the way I felt.

I stood up, rubbed my eyes again, and said to myself "this is a new day... and you're going to get back on track and stick to it, you homo. Just like you have for the past two months. Don't fall off again, like you usually do. You promised yourself... and everyone reading your blog, as well. You now have more than just yourself to answer to. And Jenn's going to be PISSED when she hears about this."

I then undressed, got in the shower, scrubbed myself squeaky clean, dried off, got dressed, and headed out the door with my bloated belly on a mission for a low-carb lunch salad, grilled chicken patty, and diet soda. And, of which, I was able to accomplish at Buffalo Wild Wings... and I owe that to all of you. Cause had all of you not been commenting and holding me accountable, I would have woken up and said "Well... that's that. I'm all fat and bloated now. Might as well go get 907 pancakes and 47 sides of hashbrowns and call it a day! Oh, I need 18 tubs of extra buttery-flavored syrup too!"

So I thank you, my readers, for following, reading, and commenting. It keeps me in check, and in this case, gets my ass back on track.

Here's to getting back in the game... and here's to you! Muah!


Sozo's Blog.com said...

Failure is getting knocked down, and staying there. That's not you!

~ugly girl with a beautiful heart~ said...

Ya know? Other than the numbers on the scale and completely random bloaty look, I don't get food hangovers; much like I don't get alcohol hangovers. I wish I did though, I really do. Maybe that would be more of a deterrent to keep sabotaging.

Jennifer Brindley said...

Dude, get your shit together.

And I can't BELIEVE you didn't tell me about the rest of the eating, just the Taco Bell. :(

I wuv you.


Anonymous said...

Yes, keep your shit together!!! Come on, low-carb dude to another low-carb dude, really, pizza? Come on!
Also, I would like to e-mail you (from across the orb, non the less!)No mail adress in the whole blog, WTH?
If I would to give you a treament, it would be a cold shower. You'll be so shocked after the cold bath you'll be accepting low carb recipes easily.

Come on, low carb and going to McDonalds looking for low carb alternatives? SNAP OUT OF IT!!!