I've decided these bastards are the enemy, people. The absolute enemy. If there is any fast food joint that should be attacked for providing the most fattening, unhealthy food to the people of this world, it's the KFC and A&W joints littered across America.
Here's the sad, sad story:
Desperate and hungry, my best friend Jesse and I decided to cruise through a KFC/A&W joint located off the beaten path out in BFE. I said "Dude... KFC offers grilled chicken now. We could totally find something there to eat. Just stay away from the cheese-curds, mKay?"
We pulled up to the ordering menu window thingy and spent, at least, five minutes reviewing the menu looking for salads, grilled chicken sandwiches, moderately healthy side dishes, and the like. After a car pulled up behind us, we told the wonderfully understanding and patient drive-through (not drive-thru) attendant that we weren't sure what we wanted, that we were going to circle around, let the car behind us go first, and then order the second time around. "OK... see you soon!" she said.
We drove around the joint, not speaking a word to each other, most likely because we were in shock, and returned, again, to the ordering menu. After another few minutes, Jesse asks "I'm... I'm sorry. Where are your salads on the menu?"
"Oh... they took the salads off a little while back." the attendant, who'll we'll call Alissa, responds.
"Oh...", we both respond in unison and a little bit of harmony... choir girls!
"Well," says Jesse, "I'm sorry, but, what is the healthiest thing on your menu then?"
"Well, the grilled Doublicious is most likely the healthiest item on the menu..."
Both of us look at the picture on the menu. It's an original, deep-fried chicken patty slathered with Colonel's sauce, Monterrey Jack cheese, bacon, and honey mustard dressing... all slapped between two Hawaiian rolls. 470 calories, with 23 grams of fat. The grilled version is 360 calories and 11 grams of fat (still, not that fabulous). But here we were, staring at a picture of a delicious, deep-fried chicken patty with a ton of cheese and, oh... my... god... bacon, cheese, creamy sauces, and... (for me)... a bun.
We both panic, I pull out a knife and attempt to stab myself in the face. Jesse (thank god for him) pulls the knife out of my hand and yells "You're doing it wrong!". He slams it into my jugular.
Just kidding. That last part didn't happen. We both actually did the same thing as the first time we drove up... we stared at the menu in confusion, indecision, and frustration.
Finally, we both realized there was NOTHING on this damn menu we could order and actually feel good about eating. But we sucked it up and went for it. We both ordered the grilled Doublicious. And out of the nine... NINE side items on their "sides menu", there were two "healthy" sides. Corn on the cob (which is slathered in butter) or green beans (which is swimming in butter). We both order the green beans.
On the way back to the house, Jesse freaks out about the sandwich. And he goes on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on about it. And on about it. And then about it some more. And then on about it a little bit more. And then, yes you guessed it... on about it.
I tell him "Jesse, you ordered the most healthy, available thing on the menu. We both did. Take the bacon off, scrape off the dressing, and your calorie content will drop by quite a bit...". He was happy with that response.
We ate our dinner. The chicken patty was slathered in grease. The green beans were disgusting (although... Jesse liked them. Him and I have never had agreeing tastes. He likes an arugula salad with grilled duck, cilantro-mango dressing and roasted almonds and I like... steak and potatoes). Either way, the meal was less that satisfying. Actually, it sucked. The food sucked, and so did the customer service.
I'm gunna reference this. And, I know, the ExHotGirl, will most likely not like that reference, but I have to say it again, I feel Mickey D's has been the most proactive and responsible fast food provider in offering healthier options for it's consumers. KFC and A&W, which is owned and operated by Yum! Brands (also Taco Bell and Pizza Hut), need to get a clue, grab a nutrition menu, and seriously review the content in the content they provide.
Fatty, carbohydrate-laden foods are a thing of the past, friends! We're healthy reader-eaters. We're about convenient, fast, healthy foods. And the first fast-food joint to offer that is the winner.
McDonald's is first in the running. Any of you want to challenge that?