Could I Be Any More Pathetic?

Posted by Wesley On Wednesday, September 8, 2010 0 comments

Gawd friends... I'm so down on myself. I need to get over this hump... and BAD. I'm sorry... did I say hump? I meant to say habit. Wait... did I say habit? I meant to say habits. Sorry 'bout that! 
I feel like such a loser lately, and not in the good way! Can I get a giant hand in the shape of an "L" over the forehead please? Bleh!

Yesterday, I ate an entire cheese pizza. All of it. Every last bit. And, on top of that, a half pan of brownies from King Soopers (which WE ALL KNOW are the best). It was Labor Day... and I was making excuses for eating like crap. Stupid excuses, I know. But they were my excuses. And so was, AND IS, the heart burn and bloating. They go along with the territory. With every up, there is a down... but in my case, to every down, there is an up. A burning, bloated, burbling, burping up. Fucking carbs. Why do they even have to exist? In fact, why do taste buds even have to exist? What's their purpose, other than ruining my life and making eating celery as a snack something that should be given to someone as a mean, torturous trick? 
Eating sucks sometimes. =(

But here's the true reason for this post... is this really weight loss, readers? Sitting in front of my TV with a pack of smokes and a twelve pack in the fridge? Do I really want to tell myself that THIS is the schedule of a healthy person:

1. Wake up.
2. Pee. 
3. Shower. 
4. Drink Coffee. 
5. Sit behind a desk for almost nine hours... stressed out, under-paid, and over-worked. 
6. Pee. 
7. Arrive home. 
8. Watch porn. Get a little tickle. 
9. Shower.
10. Lounge on the couch for almost seven hours, marathon-watching HBO mini-series while drinking beer, smoking, and eating low-carb.

Well, the obvious answer here is: "Absolutely Wes! This is what a person does to become healthy. All the hot, muscular men around you do the same exact thing! Except they cut out numbers 4, 5, 8, and 10. Well, maybe not number 8, but who knows? Everyone loves porn. Anyway, it's only four tenths of your list, yo!"

Yeah... almost half of what I do every day needs to be changed. Ugh. Not easy... yo. 

... blink, blink. 
Here's my five-step plan to ween myself off these bad habitos (that wespanish for "habits", you know):

First step: No more drinking on school nights. 
Second Step: Get off the smokey treats. 
Third Step: Brownies down the garbage disposal
Fourth Step: Find a damn hobby, other than TV and my fat ass on the couch. 
Fifth Step: Research workouts online and get my plan together for the winter. 

... leg itch.

Alright friends. Starting tomorrow, no more beers. And a nice, healthy meal followed by (I'm not gunna lie) a smokey treat. Then after that, research on workout plans. Followed by a overly-dramatic episode of my person sitting in a dark corner crying while asking for a giant plate of brownies. 

Just kidding. But only about the brownie part. 

... blink. 

Thanks for listening in friends! I look forward to your comments and new posts. And, just as an FYI, I'm still reading all your blogs, but haven't had a chance to comment on all your great successes. I LURRRRV reading them all and can't wait for the next update =) 

Air Hug (and tomorrow maybe carmel corn), 

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