Shopping Trip!

Posted by Wesley On Sunday, September 26, 2010 5 comments

Let's go spend all our money! 

Well, actually not friends. The plan was to go shopping for good, healthy food after I got paid, but that never happened with my stupid, busy schedule. I've had a little time to plan, but haven't gotten my full shopping list put together just yet. BUT, I do have a fun story for you all from today when I went shopping with my friend Jesse. 

He was doing some pretty major shopping, and I was just sort of along for the ride. I did need a few important things like toothpaste, paper towels, ice tea, and, ahem... Preparation H. 

Just kidding. About the Prep H thing. 

Anyway, as we were perusing the store and Jesse was buying up half of the entire store, I decided I needed some Italian Dressing. So I went and got that. Then, as we were walking by the bakery, I had flashbacks from the 1/2 pan brownie incident. I decided that while Jesse was in the frozen food section, I would take just a quick look around the bakery. And, as I was doing what I wasn't supposed to be doing, I ran across this carton of double chocolate M&M brownie cookies. Double Chocolate. M&M. Brownie. Cookies. Everything about that product sounds so not good for me. But totally good for my taste buds. "Mmmmm..." I said to myself. I picked them up and headed to the cart. Midway back, I thought to myself "I don't need these", so I turned around and put them back. And as I headed back to the cart, I thought to myself "you know, Wes. You could buy them and just have like... one a day. That's not so bad". So I flipped my face around and went back and got them. Meanwhile, the INCREDIBLY HOT butcher kept looking at me like "what in the hell is this kid doing? And why does he keep staring at me? Are my piercings out of place or my tattoos spelled wrong or something?" As I headed back with a carton of cookies that I knew I shouldn't have, Jesse looked at me and said "Really, Wes?" 

I ignored the comment. 

But it gets better.

While we were in the produce department, and Jesse was taking forever to pick out a damn tub of spinach, all I could do was stare at the cookies. I knew I shouldn't get them. But they looked so good! And I was in the middle of a total sugar/carb craving. And on top of that, they were chewy brownie cookies with crunchy M&M pieces. AND double chocolate. "Crap..." I said to myself. I rolled my eyes, picked up the carton, went over to Jesse and said "Jesse... I don't think I'm going to get these."

"OK..." he says. Like "it's your problem, dude. Don't put me in the middle of it. I'm trying to pick out spinach, bitch..." 

Dissatisfied with his response, I just looked down at the carton and stood there. 

"I have to go back that way, anyway. I forgot something." he says.
Now THERE was the response I was waiting for!
So, after Jesse finally found the spinach he wanted to buy, we made our way back to the bakery (walking by the butcher, AGAIN) and I successfully returned the cookies to their original location. The look on the butchers face was a very confused one. He had no idea what was going on. And neither did I, because somehow I managed to lose Jesse... but find the fresh donuts, located directly behind the cookie stand. You should have seen me in front of those see-through cabinets that housed brown baskets filled with dozens upon dozens of fresh, frosted, glazed, and fruit-filled donuts. I didn't even need to open the cabinet doors to smell them. "Mmmmm", I say again. I turn my head toward the butcher... and it was totally one of those moments when someone who is staring at another person jerks their head away after the person being stared at notices them. It was fabulous. I smirked and went back to donut shopping, with visions of a naked butcher in my head. Apparently, I've been watching too much Dexter. 

Anyway, after spending a couple minutes studying the selection, I go to reach for a tissue, and guess what... they were out. Both tissue boxes had nothing to offer. NOTHING DAMNIT! And the signs on the cabinet doors clearly state "PLEASE USE A TISSUE WHEN SELECTING YOUR  ITEMS. THANK YOU, MANAGEMENT"

"This is a sign..." I say to myself. "I don't need to be here. I shouldn't be here. I'm leaving." So I walk away and catch up with Jesse. 

"Did you get your cookies put away OK, purrrrmkin?" He says. 

"Yes." I respond 

"Well, that took a little while. I'm almost done with my shopping. Yay!" He says as he places an $11.00 bag of bite size chocolate bars in his basket.

"Yeah, I got held up in the donut department. I almost got one but they were out of tissue..." 

"Oh..." he responds.

So, we finish our shopping trip and make it to the register. There's one lady in front of us with a considerable amount of crap in her basket. And, as you all know, those check out lanes are CHOCK FULL of candy bars and ridiculous gossip magazines. As I'm bitching to Jesse about wanting those damn cookies, I start picking up candy bars and reading the nutritional information. 

54g Carbohydrates. 48g Carbohydrates. 83g Carbohydrates. 44g Carbohydrates. 49g Carbohydrates. And then, finally, I find one that I'm willing to give into. A Skore bar with 35g Carbohydrates. I gently place it on top of my toothpaste and look over at Jesse. He looks at me, purses his lips, and goes back to flipping through his magazine. 

"Will you split this with me?" I ask. 

"No." He responds. 

"Please?" I ask.

"No." He says again. 

I rolled my eyes, took the Skore bar out of the basket, placed it back on the candy rack, went to the produce section and picked up some cauliflower and dill veggie dip (which I'm really excited about!), and returned to our place in line.

Then, when we arrived back to my house, I unloaded my purchases, ripped into my back of cauliflower, tore the seal off my dill veggie dip, slathered a piece of cauliflower in it, took a bite, and... smiled. 

Was it the most delicious thing I've ever eaten? Probably not... but it tasted much better than a six inch toffee bar covered in chocolate, 8 cookies with M&M pieces, or a donut soaked in frosting and sprinkles. 

It's these moments that make me remember what it's like to feel good about myself. And I just wanted to share it with all of you =)

I hope all is well with everyone. And don't forget, butchers have two purposes in this world: 

1. To make you feel guilty whenever shopping in the bakery and
2. To deliver just the right size of meat to satisfy your needs. Even tube steak. 

Love ya!


Sozo's said...

I can't tell you how many times I've done that very same thing. I've wanted something so bad and then talked myself out of it and put it back...then decided fuck it and went back and got it..only to to put it back like 5 more times.

Hell, as much as you walked back and forth you probably worked off the calories of the brownies anyway. LMAO

Anonymous said...

I do the same thing when I stupidly go shopping hungry. I can't be trusted if I'm hungry... all the carbs look extra shiny when I'm hungry!
Boy, I hate check out lines. It's like the last temptation. Kudos for your healthy shopping =)

James Gershwin said...

Me too. I try to always go shopping after I have eaten a solid meal. If I don't. I tend to always buy something that I don't food and crap.

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